For a few days I haven’t been blogging. And not sleeping either. Hand in hand they go. In those morning hours when I can’t sleep I talk to God about the things that bother me, the things that hurt me and the things I’m battling with, and it’s not enough. There are the things that scare me but I am reminded that God hasn’t given me a spirit of fear.

2nd Timothy 1: 7For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. 8So do not be ashamed to testify about our Lord, or ashamed of me his prisoner. But join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God, 9who has saved us and called us to a holy life–not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time,

More and more I need Him to sustain me. To help me on this journey called life!!!

There is this song of Kim walker that describes exactly how I’ve been feeling. Have a look on Youtube. The song is called I need you more.

I’m pouring out my heart to the Living God!! I feel like I’m failing. Failing as a mama, failing as a wife. Failing in my marriage and failing God. I keep praying that He fills me with more of Him so there will be nothing left of me. So that I will be able to see myself the way He sees me. Because I keep seeing myself imperfect and failing.

Hebrews 3: 1Therefore, holy brothers, who share in the heavenly calling, fix your thoughts on Jesus, the apostle and high priest whom we confess.

And I know it’s in these moments that He works in my heart. That He changes me from the inside out. That He prepares me for the things to come. I cannot do anything on my own. My strength remains in Him. I am nothing without Him.

Hebrews 3: 6But Christ is faithful as a son over God’s house. And we are his house, if we hold on to our courage and the hope of which we boast.

God is faithful and true. And even in these moments of weakness I know I can hold onto Him.

I had a dream once. I dreamt I was walking on a dirt road. And next to the road there were these tall gum trees. It was warm and the sun was shining. But all of a sudden the clouds came in and it became dark and a strong wind came. The trees bent over looking like they were going to break. I was afraid. I prayed in that instant and these 2 big hands came out from heaven. They picked me up but although I were in them they kept tumbling me around and around from one hand to the other. When the storm had settled these hands put me back on the road so I could continue my journey.

I have learnt that in the midst of my trials, fears and rocky roads God has always picked me up. Although I fall from His one hand to the next He will not let me go, not until the storm has passed. I just need to trust Him.

In the moments your storm makes you afraid I want to remind you that your Papa is holding you in His hands. Although you feel like you’re failing, He still loves you. In spite of everything around you that seems to go wrong, He is right there. Hold onto Him and you will see His light shining through.

With love always
Zaskia

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