I haven’t written in a day or two because I’ve been doing a bit of soul searching. Not to mention the fact that with this headache I could barely write anything. I’ve been really fragile to the point I felt like breaking and all I could do is cry. But God has never failed me. I just have to keep trusting Him…

So I mentioned before that I would take a job overseas if I got one and that id be going alone. Well, I got a job in China as a preschool teacher which I would have liked because I love children, but my heart failed me. I cannot live without my children. They are my life and looking at all those children every day, I think would break me because my children would not be with me. If my family could come with I would absolutely do it. But I won’t let money be the price I pay for not seeing them. They are worth more than that!!

Psalm 127:3 Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him.

And then out of nowhere my husband decides to sell my car. Financially it’s tough, everywhere. But I didn’t think it was that bad (with us financially). So, then I’m thinking that I’m selfish not going to China, right? Do I have to rethink if I’m doing the right thing by staying? Oh God, I need your guidance, please help!.

Then this question pops into my head. Is God making me rethink what is valuable to me? Or is He working on me being more humble? Or both!!
You see I used to drive a Mazda (mustard of all colours) really old shape and I didn’t mind because I had transport, which some people never had. I called it my pumpkin carriage. Cinderella in the making so to speak. Haha, but I liked it. And above all I felt like a princess driving it. Okay that sounds weird, but really I liked my car. Even though it was the most horrible colour and shape it was my carriage.

Then I moved up to a newer model car which was also transport so I didn’t mind, actually I preferred my old car. And the another, another. You get the point.

Anyway, to make a long story short, years later I then moved up to a Mercedes. I didn’t want it at first because I felt like it was showing off. And I don’t like people noticing me. But after a few months I liked my car and thought hey, I like driving in style.

So when my husband told me that he sold it I was really sad. I felt like crying, but you know what? I immediately got this verse in my head.

Matthew 6:21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Wow, wake up call!!! I don’t want to have treasures on earth that moth and rust can destroy. I want everlasting treasures up in heaven. And on the way there a person might get side tracked. Oh Lord never let me get side tracked. Keep my eyes on You.

I am thankful that God loves me enough to nudge me in the right way. He disciplines those He loves. And yes, it will be hard, but I know God has a bigger plan than mine. And everything happens for a reason. I trust you Papa God. Let me finish this race well..

Hebrews 12:6-7 Because the Lord disciplines those He loves, and He punishes everyone He accepts as a son.” Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father?

If you’re being disciplined (your faith gets tested), know it’s because God loves you. He would never harm you. He has your best interests at heart.

I will glorify Your name; even in the midst of my crisis’s I know You have a bigger plan. Lead me and guide me. Let me follow Your will, not mine. And please Papa God, never let go of me. Amen

With love always